Forum Arane Riders

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Ways of getting drunk:
1. Cindarella - you get home, and one shoe is missing.
2. Snow white - you wake up with seven men in your bed
3. Red riding hood - you wake up in your grandmothers' bed
4. Sleeping beauty - you don't remember what happened the last 100 years.
5. Mermeid - in the morning you smell like fish
6. Mickey Mouse - Your head is huge, your eyes are huge, you wear white gloves, but no costume.
7. Columbus - You don't know where you're going, but you somehow get there. You don't know where you are, but the trip is paid by the government.
8. Pinokio - You feel like a piece of wood

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What does atheist chicks shout during orgasm? "DARWIN, DARWIN, DARWIN"

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A man walks into a bar, goes to a beautiful chick, and says
- Hi sexy, wanna fuck you?
The girl kicks him in the balls, then breaks a bottle in his head and starts to kick him in the ribs. Few minutes later, he manages to get up, and goest to her again:
- OK. I go the message. But how about a blowjob?

s3th · Dołączył: 29 Wrz 2008 Posty: 662 Przeczytał: 0 tematów

it was like, "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" Very Happy

classic

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Students of physics made an interesting scientific experiment, concerning the air flow of a hair dryer. They stopped behind a tree on a road with speed limit, wearing, for safety measures light reflecting green shirts, and were pointing the hair dryer to passing cars. They realised, that the airflow was capable of decreasing the speed of a car from 120 km/h to 60 km/h in less than five seconds. An interesting side efect were the phrases, spoken by the drivers of the passing cars - none of them were in the dictionary.

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Two italians talking in the american subway:
- emma come first then I come, then 2 asses come together, then I come again, then 2 asses come together, then I come again and pee twice and then I come again
Then some angry american granny heard the conversation and says:
- you are disgusting, in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!
And the italian replies:
- who's a talking abouta sex lives?! Lady, i teach my friend how to spell "mississippi"

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An old man and a punk with colourful hair - pink, green, purple, red, the hair pointing upwards were sitting on a bench at the park. The old man was looking at the punk in horror.
- What is it daddy? Haven't you done anything crazy in your life?
- In fact, I once got so drunk, that I fvcked a parrot. I was afraid you can be my son...

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It isn't true, that in the goverment there are only immoral people. Some of them are incompetent :]

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- Yount people dress terribly these days! Here - look at this young man!
- This is my daugther!
- Oh, so sorry. I didn't know you're her mother
- I'm her father!

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The beautiful prince goes to the tower of the sleeping beauty, enters her chamber and... sees some other prince fvcking her in every possible hole
- WTF are you doing?!
- Isn't it obvious? Here, I'll finish soon, you can try, but don't kiss her - it's dangerous!

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A terrible disaster - a plane with 250 passangers onboard falls into the Amazonia jungle. The resque team goes there and finds terrifying sight - the last survivor, surrounded by piles of human bones, eating the leg of a female corpse.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- What? I had to survive somehow!
- But the plane crashed yesterday!

Edit: OWNED:

The tombstone of a programmer:
General protection fault - 10.10.61
Runtime error - 23.09.1998

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One of my favorite dumb jokes:

Over the nine mountains, acrross the seven seas, and beyond the five deserts there was a large cave. In it lived a fiery red dragon. One day he went out of his cave, breathing fire and ashes, with eyes glowing red, stood outside and spoke:
- Kurwa mac, why the hell do I live so far away...

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- What is your father's job?
- Transformer.
- How come?!
- He gets salary of 220, brings home 127, and with the rest he produces noise.

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Little Ivan came to little Marry and asked her:
- Would you give me a picture of yours?
- Wow? You love me?!
- No, I collect pokemons

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The university professor asks the students:
- I want you to give me examples of back luck. Ivan, you go first
- You walk to a buss stop, you see a beautiful lady with perfect ass, and before you can do anything - she gets to the buss, and leaves.
- Very well, Ivan. Dimitar, you're next
- You walk to a buss stop, you see a handsome man with a perfect ass, and before you can do anything - he gets to the buss and leaves.
- OK. That would do, Ivan. Petar, what example can you give?
- You stay at a buss stop, Dimitar is comming and where the fvck is the god damn bus?!

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Two gypsy whores learning english. They meet few days later:
- Hau do ju do, Aisze?
- Aj du huju hewri dej

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- Father, what did you want more? A boy or a girl?
- Silly kid. All I wanted was a good sex...

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Courtecy of Sickipedia:

What's the difference between a gynaecologist and a genealogist ?
A genealogist looks up the family tree and a gynaecologist looks up the family bush.

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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

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So here I am in the Internet Cafe with the biggest fucking nigger I've ever seen, reading every word I ty

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There was a Scientist who figured out how to make a self-lubricating Vagina, so he made one and gave it to his wife,
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" she said
"Teach it how to cook then fuck off." he replied

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A load of Pakistanis live in my area and they are setting off car horns and dancing in the streets after winning the cricket.
Pakistanis are very proud to be Pakistanis but not proud enough to live there, evidently.

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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

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Josef Fritzl:
Putting the 'semen' back into 'basement'.

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My wife has a cunt so hairy, it looks like a stab wound in a gorilla's back?

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Little pricks go in little condoms.
Big pricks go in big condoms.
So what do you put fat pricks into?
A NEWCASTLE UNITED SHIRT

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According to the FT, Air France shares dropped 228 today.

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My Grandad says his sex life is great. He says, since his girlfriend has been loosing her teeth, the blow-jobs have been fantastic...
... May be a different story when her adult teeth start coming through though.

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Michael Jackson's penis is like a cocktail sausage: small, unsatisfying and usually only seen at children's parties.

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